Swarthmore College

What is Intimate Partner Violence?

What does the Policy Say?

Intimate-partner violence includes:

Dating violence, domestic violence, and relationship violence
Any act of violence or threatened act of violence against a person who is, or has been involved in, a sexual, dating, domestic, or other intimate relationship with that person.
One act or an ongoing pattern of behavior.

Intimate-partner violence can encompass a broad range of behavior, including, but not limited to, physical violence and sexual violence. Intimate-partner violence may take the form  of:

Threats
Assault
Property damage
Violence  or threat of violence to one’s self, one’s sexual or romantic partner, or to the family members or friends of the sexual or romantic partner.

Dating violence means violence committed by a person who is or has been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature with the alleged victim. The existence of such a relationship will be determined based on the reporting party’s statement, taking into consideration the following factors:

Length of the relationship
Type of relationship
Frequency of interaction between the persons involved in the relationship.

Dating violence includes, but is not limited to, sexual or physical abuse or the threat of such abuse.

Domestic violence is violence committed by:

Current or former spouse
Sexual or intimate partner of the alleged victim
Person who is living as a spouse or who lived as a spouse with the alleged victim
Parents and children
Other persons related by blood or marriage
Person with whom the alleged victim shares a child in common.

Under the criminal laws of Pennsylvania, certain offenses, including but not limited to, rape, aggravated assault and stalking, can be deemed domestic violence depending on the relationship of the parties involved.

What does this Mean for Me?

What can Intimate Partner Violence look like?

Intimate partner violence can include controlling behaviors, violence, and/or abuse. It can be verbal, emotional, physical, psychological, financial, and/or sexual.

Intimate partner violence can be a single act or a pattern of behavior in relationships. It is also sometimes referred to as Relationship Violence, Dating Violence or Domestic Violence.

Some warning signs may involve controlling behavior. This behavior may start out as an isolated incident, but may escalate:

Not letting you hang out with your friends
Calling or texting you frequently to find out where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing
Telling you what to wear
Having to be with you all the time
Stopping you from leaving
Controlling your spending or finances
Monitoring your behaviors and whereabouts
Deciding things for you that you should decide (like what to wear or what to eat)

Verbal and emotional abuse may include:

Name-calling
Jealousy
Belittling you (cutting you down) or humiliating you -- either in a one-on-one setting or in front of family and friends
Threatening to hurt you, someone in your family, or themselves if you don't do what they want.
Isolating you from friends and other people
Constantly accusing you of being unfaithful to the relationship
Saying that leaving the relationship means that you are admitting to being gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, or trans* -- or justifying abuse by saying your partner is not really gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, or trans*

Physical abuse may include: shoving, punching, slapping, pinching, shaking, biting, kicking, hair pulling, or strangling.

Sexual abuse may include: unwanted touching and kissing, forcing you to have sex, not allowing you to use birth control, and forcing you to do other unwanted sexual things.

Reporting, Resources, and Support

Being a victim of intimate partner violence is not your fault. Nothing you say or do gives anyone the right to hurt you.

If you believe that you are a victim of intimate partner violence, you can reach out to a number of resources on and off campus that can help you get safe, understand what happened, and decide whether or not you'd like to report the violence.

Additional Resources

www.joinonelove.org
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html
breakthecycle.org
http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=38 -- this checklist helps you identify signs of abuse, including emotional abuse
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm -- this fact sheet describes different types of abuse and how they can affect physical and mental health. The section on emotional and verbal abuse gives specific examples of signs that indicate emotional and verbal abuse in a relationship.

Examples

“My partner and I have only been dating for a few months but I’m ready to break it off. They are super clingy and needy. I never get to spend time with my friends alone and I barely go anywhere without them. They often take my cell phone, look through messages, and accuse me of being with other people. Whenever I try to end it, they remind me about their depression and that they really only have me right now. A break up right now could really send them over the edge. I can’t leave them like that but I am so miserable.”

In a healthy relationship, your partner will not try to isolate, manipulate, or control you. You should feel free to leave the relationship if you so choose. If you are worried about a (former) partner’s emotional well-being, offer resources that they can use for support other than you. It is a way that you can empower them to take responsibility for themselves while respecting your personal boundaries. In this case, the partner’s behaviors could be warning signs of intimate partner violence.

“My friends love my boyfriend. They make excuses for him when he gets too drunk and physical with me. I've just recently started seeing this behavior as abusive and I'm not sure what to do. He's a good person and doesn't mean it, but I'm tired of feeling afraid every time he drinks."

Abuse within the context of a relationship can be really hard to navigate. While friends may not see the whole picture, you are allowed to ask for help. It can be really confusing when you're in a relationship where sometimes, your partner is really good to you and other times, they hurt you. Resources are available to help you deal with this issue.

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What is Intimate Partner Violence?