Screw Your Roomate

"Happy couple" at screw your roommate

During the much-anticipated "Screw Your Roommate," friends set each other up on dates, who then have to find each other by wearing clues to their identity. The Phoenix recently published "How to Screw," adapted for the Web below.

Step 1 - Find a Partner

Think back to conversations when your roommate may have subtly (or not-so-subtly) mentioned the name of a crush. If that hasn't happened, ask friends if they know people whose personalities would mesh well with your roommate's. Or cruise through Facebook profiles and match your roommate based on interests in the same books, movies, or activities. Conversely, you could set your roommate up with someone with whom they would not get along and improvise.

Costumes range from the traditional - Romeo & Juliet, Sonny & Cher - to the creative - GoogleMaps & MapQuest, a dog & a fire hydrant.

Step 2 - Choose a Costume

There are the traditional: Romeo and Juliet, Cinderella and Prince Charming, Sonny and Cher; the creative: GoogleMaps and MapQuest, a dog and a fire hydrant; and the downright nerdy: a pair of supply and demand curves or abstract song lyrics (e.g. Paul McCartney and Lucy, the Australopithecus afarensis named for "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"). Then, either tell your roommate what he or she will be in advance, or present them with their costume on the day of Screw for maximum satisfaction.

Step 3 - Sharples and Beyond!

Once prepped and ready to go, head on over to Sharples Dining Hall at the pre-arranged time to find your date. Once finished with reciting your poetry, singing your song, or whatever other mating rituals you've been assigned to perform, sit down with your partner for what is bound to be one of the top five most awkward meals you will eat while at Swarthmore. Then, head back to your dorm to change into your semi-formal attire and head to Upper Tarble for a night of dancing with your potential husband or wife. Just kidding. Scared of commitment or just plain scared of your Screw? Pretend that you're sick with a bad case of Balzac and hide in your room all night.